Okay, it's not going to be a long post. I will probably have more to add. To be honest I most wanted to avoid people rushing into this with emotions still running high. I would ask that people please don't camp the thread and spam replies. If someone has posted within a few hours maybe leave it for a bit and come back later and re-read before we all reply. I don't want to lock the thread but I don't think trying to have a back-and-forth on the forums is going to be productive or helpful.
So, a couple of things I want to add to Sarah's post because I'm sure Mark is confused about some bits of feels like they don't represent what really happened. Some of this is my fault. I have, as you can imagine, been a bit stuck in the middle of it, and I expect that people have mostly not talked to me about it because they think I will just take Sarah's side. I have tried not to do that, and I've told her when I thought she was being unreasonable, the same as I have to Mark. So, to clarify:
This bit is my fault because I didn't communicate this properly to Mark. I did say to Sarah that replying on the forum in the original thread didn't go very well, and she recognised that as well. I said that I would get Mark to IM her directly so they could chat. I didn't do that properly. Looking back it's easy to say that I should have just done it. The truth is that I did what everyone else did which is that I waited a couple of days for the argument to die down and then I didn't want to provoke it again, I got distracted by work and other parts of life, and I didn't follow up properly. So this is on me because I made a promise to Sarah that I didn't keep. Mark and I did talk about it a couple of times, but I was just never very clear about the fact that talking directly would help. I looked back through some logs and I just did a bad job of this and so I apologise to both sides for that. I would ask that you don't take this out on each other.
I know Mark doesn't like this part. because he already told me. Maybe the wording here is not the best choice, but I think you (Mark) reacted badly in the moment on TS and brought up Discord which is not what the discussion was even really about or what was annoying you in the moment that led to it. Both of you were emotional in that moment and - also - in this post afterwards. I don't think focusing on the exact wording of things is going to help, so I hope you won't do that.
I also hope people won't pick this message apart. I'm trying my best in a difficult situation.
Basically I guess both of you are going to have to swallow some pride a bit here. That's my feeling at least. I don't want to take sides and I can't solve this for you. I'm probably not the best person to facilitate either, being honest, but a couple of others who might be good at that (understandably) don't want to get involved. If anyone thinks they could help with this maybe drop me a message? I'm not sure what that even looks like, but people coming to help seems like it can only be a good thing.
But for what it's worth I would say that you both have to accept that you have made mistakes, apologise for it, and apologise to the rest of the guild for dragging people into it. And if your reaction to this is that the other person did more wrong or you already did it or any other "but..." then I think that's the wrong place to start from. There are reasons why it hasn't been resolved, why the above post didn't lead to a solution. Some is my fault. Can we please try this again though? Do you each think you can do this? Could you have a direct conversation with each other, or with a third party who isn't in it for taking sides, explain why you are upset, accept that whatever the other person says is a valid perception of your behaviour, even if you didn't intend it, and then own that, apologise, and make a new start?
And, yes, ultimately we need to figure out Discord and, I hope, get everyone using and chatting on the same one. But maybe one step at a time?
Owning perceptions is hard. I learnt this at work. Long story, I'll tell it some time. It humbled me the fuck up about a lot of things and I'm so grateful to have a manager and friend who taught me that lesson when I was close to quitting. I've been trying to be better at this every day and it actually really improved my life.
I will start, because some of this is on me.
I'm sorry for not doing what I promised to do to Sarah, for not communicating clearly with Mark, and to the rest of the guild for letting this drag on when I was pretty much in the best place to help start the healing.
Finally, just to say, I don't want to fall out with anyone, and we're still very much looking forward to seeing people at our - now delayed - wedding and sharing that day with you. This year has not been stress free for anyone. If anyone wants to chat directly about this thread, or just say hi, random chat, whatever, feel free to drop me a message. Had a couple of people reach out today which has been nice.
Thanks. I will unlock the thread but please be calm, maybe reply tomorrow (or wait a bit after you read) instead of right now, please other people also be sensible with the thread, and let's see where this goes.